I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
