So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
