Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
