What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
