I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
