if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
