If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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