I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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