I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
