You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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