and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
