why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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