it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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