You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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