haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize