Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
