It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
