totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
