I am in a vortex of obligation.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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