he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
