I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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