I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
