it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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