sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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