whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
