i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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