I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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