you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
