he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
