WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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