I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
