so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
