i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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