chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
