So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
