i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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