dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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