I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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