Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
