hotel room ftw
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
