I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
