life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
