YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
