apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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