just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
