too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
