he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
