whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
even my farts smell like vagina
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
