So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
