what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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