who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Non-Jews are for practice
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
