I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
