I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
