My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
