Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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