he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
