she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
