That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
