Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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