Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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