Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
