either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
