this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
