If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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