No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
