...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
