Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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