I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
