He uses pillows to masturbate.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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