it wasn't lemon gatorade
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
