Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
