If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
