I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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