I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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