i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
