Whod you bang
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
