just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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