she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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