I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
