SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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